16)Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a tree log. “My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away! Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump. “My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. “My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf,” taunts Little Red Riding Hood. With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams… “Will you friggin’ leave me alone? I’m trying to take a shit!”
17)A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?” And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks: “Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?” The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: “I don’t fink my pyfon really giveths a thit.”
18)Money comes like a turtle and goes like a rabbit. If a turtle loses it’s shell is it naked or homeless? Some turtles possess the ability to absorb oxygen directly from the water in which they swim.
19)A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said “Stay here and be very QUIET. I’ll be across the field.” A few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son. “What’s wrong?” the father asked. “I told you to be quiet.” The son answered” “Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.” “But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, should we eat them here or take them with us?” “I guess I just panicked”.”
20)Dear spiders, if I see you outside, I will let you live. But if I see you in my house, I will kill you. You choose. Dear women, without men the world would be run by giant spiders? Dear Men, I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you….Sincerely, Spider.